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How to Not Give a Fuck and Make Your Dreams Come True
By Sarah Thomsen
Learning how to not give a fuck (in other words, learning how to not care what people think), was a game changer in my life.
To me, being empowered means to be rooted in my own self worth, to determine my own choices and to influence other women to do the same.
I grew up with just my dad and brother through puberty and it was a challenge not to have a healthy woman around to let me know that I had a power within me that wasn’t supposed to be suppressed or overshadowed. I always wanted to be heard and seen but so much of me was ballet class and piano lessons and “you can’t be an artist ‘cause you're not good enough at drawing” or “you won’t be X ‘cause your grades aren’t where they should be.”
Believe me, I have tried to NOT be myself—much like many other disempowered women in this world. Some women go to school to become lawyers when their heart really said, “business owner” and some become full-time mothers when they are yearning for a career as well. Some women are swearing like a trucker to fit in with a crowd when it might not feel right, but other women are speaking sweetly to all the elders in the church when maybe they just need to scream “fuck this shit” at the top of their lungs on the mountaintop.
We really want to be seen and to create with no boundaries, no comments, no expectations!! Our hope is for women, and all humans, to do what feels best in their bodies. Call it whatever you want, but I bet you know 100 women who are holding themselves back ‘cause they didn’t fit in that fucking box!
If you had ever met me, your first impression might have been something like “what a sweet girl" and then 5 minutes later you might witness the ‘NO FILTER’ Sarah who has a really hard time staying in a box.
You might ask yourself, “how do I elevate myself? What are the tools I need to be empowered?” Well, it's your lucky day!
Here’s a list of 4 ways you can empower yourself and at the same time learn not to give such a giant fuck about who is watching. You could even sport this awesome Pro-feminism! Pro-Fuckery sticker while you are doing it! I found these 4 tactics helped me to not care about what other people thought I should be doing and let my true self shine through.
4 Ways To Not Give a Fuck What People Think And Let Yourself Shine (Otherwise Known As Fuckery!)
To Not Give a Fuck, Stop Saying Sorry for Shit You're not Actually Sorry About.
This is a Canadian woman writing this blog and if you didn't already know, culturally Canadians want to apologize for everything and nothing at the same time.
- Oh sorry I got that promotion instead of you.
- Sorry but I’m going to divorce you now.
- Sorry I’m running late.
- Oh sorry, I don’t have time for baking cookies.
Okay! Okay! Fucking stop all that! Stop it right now! Be mindful about those apologies. Ask yourself if an apology is actually needed or does the situation actually have a different flavor to it?
- I’m proud of myself for getting that promotion, I worked my ass off for it!
- I no longer want to be in this relationship.
- Thank you for waiting for me, I really appreciate it.
- Thanks for thinking about my delicious baking. I’ll let you know when I have time to help.
Apologizing when unnecessary is like giving a little of your power away. You are dimming your shine. NEVER dim your shine! Save those apologies for when they are meaningful and in the right context. To not give a fuck you really need to stop throwing apologies around.
Say “no” more often to others and yourself.
Stop exhausting yourself by doing everything for everyone all the time. You do not need to volunteer for everything and be available for everyone whenever they say JUMP! And this one is big…. You don’t have to finish what you start! You're allowed to stop if you don’t like it.
A small example of this for me is when I’m reading a book, I feel like I need to finish it even if it's not resonating with me. “Start what you finish Sarah.” I would berate myself quietly in my head. I needed to finish it even if I didn't like it so that I could say I read it and had a feeling of being productive. This is a total waste of time and finally I learned to throw the shitty book across the room and go find myself a new one.
You can attribute this ‘No’ concept easily to larger areas of your life, too. You're still doing the laundry for your 10 year old. Stop it. You're the one always cleaning up dinner. No. You have too many things on your plate and you are having a hard time sleeping because of it. Offload that shit and say NO and…..(the real kicker here, see above!)... Don't apologize for it! To Not Give a Fuck means you are prioritizing your needs above others.
Here, feel free to use my template answer:
“I can no longer attend to this (fill in the blank) task. My hope is that you can find a great person to fill my spot while I take the time I need for myself. I will reach out in the future if I find the space and time. I have gratefully appreciated the time we have spent together and thank you for your understanding.”
Blah, blah, blah or something like that. Boom done!
Strike a superwoman pose
If you don’t know about Superwoman pose you need to learn it right now! Stand up straight, spread your feet apart, put your hands on your hips and push your titties out and up to the moon! Fill your lungs with air and hold that pose, breathing in and out for 10 breaths. Voila! Super Powers! when we say To Not Give a Fuck we literally mean changing every aspect of your weak habits.
Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist who studies body language. She studied how our own body language can not only affect the perception of others about us but how it even affects the way we feel about ourselves. She presents evidence in her study that shows standing in superwoman pose does enable us to feel more powerful and for others to see us as more powerful. The more you practice, the more powerful you will feel.
- Do you need a boost of confidence before asking for a raise? Superwoman pose!
- Time for a hard chat with your kid’s friend's mom about boundaries? Spread your wings!
Throughout the animal kingdom there is evidence that “BIG” is powerful. A peacock showing off its plume, the way a grizzly bear looks when it stands on its hind legs and roars, even some types of frogs will inflate themselves with air and raise their hind parts to appear as large as possible! Making yourself BIG, taking up space and spreading your wings is a symbol of power within the human realm as well!
Imagine 2 different people in 2 different shapes. One is standing tall with their arms spread apart full of pride and the other is sitting cross legged and hunched over. What are your immediate thoughts and feelings about the 2 shapes? We are impacted by our own non-verbal body language. Ask yourself: ”What is your presence in this world?”
The way you present yourself to the world through your body language can significantly impact the way your life unfolds. Yeah, you might not feel like you are powerful but with this you can fake it till you make it. What's the harm in trying, right?
The question is not really about what to give a fuck about and To Not Give a Fuck about, its really is about finding your own voice. Finding your vibrations. To Not Give a Fuck is you telling the world that you are owning your body, your soul , your mind and your voice. To Not Give a Fuck tells that world that this woman is someone you shouldn't be rubbing shoulder with, in the wrong way. To Not Give a Fuck means being sugar and spicey at the same time, nice an bold, powerful, yet vulnerable with your love one. To Not Give a Fuck really solves most of our problems. We just have to Not Give a Fuck sometimes.
The Kegel Reminder Newsletter is a new type of newsletter showcasing women that are brave enough to NOT fit in that small little box that society tries so hard to put us in. FUCK that fuckin’ box! I want to be outrageous and I want to elevate women to their outrageous selves right alongside me!
Check out the empowering, feminist clothing line on our online shop!
And keep us posted on your mission to learn how to stop caring what people think and let your true self shine! We always love hearing from you.
If you want to read more on empowering feminism and women's health, please click here
Xoxo
Sarah Thomsen
